Weekly Satire News 1

A satiric look at the week’s news. Top stories this week:

  • >> Dumarsais Siméus authorized to participate in Haitian Presidential elections
  • >> Aristide to be placed under heavy security
  • >> Saddam Hussein trial starts
  • >> Hurricane Wilma heading towards Florida

This week the “Cour de Cassation” forced the CEP to add Dumarsais Siméus also known as “neg k’ap sime US” to the list of candidates in the upcoming Haitian Presidential election. Siméus renounced to his Haitian citizenship when he decided to become an American citizen. Siméus said that if he is elected President of Haiti, he will get U.S. residency for all Haitians. When asked how he would do that, he answered that he would get the U.S. to include “All Haitian Citizens are American Citizens” in the U.S. constitution. In related news, former U.S. Presidential candidate Al Gore has submitted his candidacy to the Haitian Presidential elections this week.

Last month (yes, I know it happened last month but I couldn’t keep myself from including this), South African officials said that Jean Bertrand Aristide will be placed under heavy security during the Haitian Presidential elections. When asked what kind of security measure they’ll be taking, one official responded that they would attempt to glue his giant lips together.

This week Saddam Hussein’s trial started. When asked how he would plead to the charges, he said: “Screw the U.S.” After that he was punched, stripped naked and pictures of him were taken by U.S. soldiers.

Also this week, hurricane Wilma formed and weather prediction show it heading towards Florida. Wilma went from a category 2 to a category 5 hurricane in a couple of hours. This confirms that God definitely does not like Florida. For now at least.

Disclaimer: Read the definition of “satire” before emailing me whatsoever.

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